Some mothers do not wait until their daughter makes a mistake in order to once again teach the mind. They always have advice and moralizing: “The girl should be…”,” Good wife… (pleases, tolerates…) “,” To succeed, it is necessary…”,” So that it does not happen, you need to do so “. It is necessary, must – keywords in communication with my daughter. And after each meeting with your mother, the feeling will not leave that you just became a victim of a consultant seller, who chose all the instructions and randomly drove them to your head.
Often, the daughter becomes hostage of the set of rules, the deviation from which is a crime. Any attempt to show independence is persecuted by condemnation and stream of new reproaches: “You never listen to me!”,” I told you!”It is worth objecting and insisting on his own how mom grabs her head, lamenting:” What kind of daughter is this ungrateful!”
At first, of course, it is easy to live according to someone’s scenario, but sooner or later everything will want to do everything in its own way.
Arguing with mom is an ungrateful and extremely nervous occupation. Less provocations and more softness and tricks. Try to explain that you yourself can “live” and “go through life”, moreover, you yourself make up a set of your own rules. Try to convey that you don’t have a closer and dear person, and when you get out of the intended course, you will definitely return to the father’s house for “retraining”.
The earth is empty without you
As soon as Julia flew out of the parental nest (she entered the medical institute in another city), her calm life came to an end. Before that, her parents gave her freedom, controlled unobtrusively, helped make important decisions, making it clear: they are always nearby and will always help. But now her mother was replaced. “She calls me after every couple, in the evening, before going to bed, in the morning and constantly asks where I am, with whom, what am I doing, what I think for one or another reason, what decisions I make,” the girl complains. Worth Julia not to answer the call – suspicions appear. And if she refers to employment or actually not in the mood to share the news with her mother, like thunder and lightning: “You do not trust me!”,” You are hiding something from me “,” You don’t tell me anything at all!”
This behavior of mothers who let the children into independent swimming is easy to understand: the emotional connection with the child is torn, the parents are overcome by constant anxiety, the fear that he will be offended and betrayed. The mother experiences the same when the daughter gets married and begins to live her problems. Just yesterday, the “stupid” cried on her mother on her shoulder, telling about the first kiss, and today she also sticks out her husband’s shoulder, trusting him, and not her, her experiences. Moms feel lonely, superfluous – with whom to share experience? Who should be needed? How to survive loneliness, especially if personal life for some reason has not developed?
Try to keep your mother in the know your affairs. It is not necessary to tell her about everything, but choose moments as emotional as possible and trust their mother with all the accompanying ahas and ohas. And do not forget to hint that it is with her that you share the first.